VARIA QUALITY

The Varia are the Vongola family's special assassination squad. They are very good at their job though they only take missions with a 90% chance of sucess which is kind of dumb but whatever. They are all people who could never even hope to function in normal society for various reasons. Literally everyone in the Varia is not right in the head. Everyone important anyway (and also Levi.)

XANXUS

Xanxus is the current leader of the Varia and he's a huge asshole. He is mentally unsound and will never get what he wants in life because no one likes him and his mother was a whore. Literally he is a terrible person with virtually no redeeming traits besides being incredibly strong and having an intrisic inexplicable charisma that only works on other crazy people. Normally that would not really be a good thing but given the Varia is entirely crazy people it serves him well as boss. Xanxus may not be the most crazy (though he is pretty high up there) but he is the most violent and that is why he gets to be the boss even though Squalo does most of the actual work. He is a violent man-child and has essentially the same terrible attitude well into his 30's.

WHY XANXUS SHOULD BE DEAD BY NOW

Xanxus is always at least one of two things, and those things are angry and drunk. Sometimes he is both. In fact he is almost always at least sort of angry, though even if he wasn't you wouldn't know, his face is pretty much always angry looking. Even when he was a small child he looked angry. Not only is he always angry but he is capable of levels of rage you couldn't achieve even in your wildest dreams. He's not just angry, he's XANGRY!!! He even has a built in rage meter, in the form of the scars all over his body. When he is ESPECIALLY enraged, they actually get worse and cover even more of his skin than they normally do. It would be a miracle that he hasn't died of an anger-induced aneurysm by now if it weren't for the fact that he is an anime character and the laws of nature generally do not apply to them as much if at all. In fact if they did apply he would have died of at least three things by now because he also drinks heavily and his diet consists mostly of steak. So that's alcohol poisoning/liver cancer and high cholesterol right there. This is probably why we don't have people like Xanxus in the real world because they all die before they can accomplish anything. BUT ANYWAY, back to Xanxus's anger issues. He has a lot of issues actually, but they end up being anger issues because that he how he expresses all of his problems. And he deals with them by drinking.

XANXUS IS JUST GENERALLY A BAD PERSON

A subset of his anger is of course, his hatred for nearly everything and everyone. There are a handful of things he doesn't hate and of those he expects the highest quality. VARIA QUALITY! This includes steak and booze, he has shown to be particularly picky about steak, even at the most inappropriate moments. He also does not seem to hate his ~~pet~~ ~~pokemon~~ box weapon (basically mafia pokemon), Bester, considering he named him BESTER! BESTER IS GERMAN FOR "THE BEST"! XANXUS IS NOT VERY CREATIVE! Probably because Bester is a rare and powerful box, a white lion/liger. But Xanxus hates pretty much everyone in varying amounts, the people he hates the most being Timoteo, Tsuna, and probably Levi. He hates Timoteo because he has a lot of daddy issues and Timoteo basically RUINED HIS LIFE!! Tsuna he hates because he totally stole the title of tenth boss from Xanxus and then beat him up when Xanxus tried to get it back despite being a goody two-shoes wuss. Levi he hates because he's Levi and no one likes Levi. The only reason Xanxus is in charge is because he is the strongest. He somehow commands the other Varia officer's loyalty despite being lazy, rude, and abusive. He does not care what anyone else thinks, as everyone else is "trash", though he leaves most of the actual work to Squalo. Basically if you know how lion packs work, with the females doing all the work while the males sleep all day, and yet the males still lead the pack, Xanxus is pretty much like those male lions. He is also like a spoiled child/teenager in that he will have a tantrum and throw shit until he gets what he wants (or is beaten up by a Japanese teenager) and his life is SO UNFAIR and NOBODY UNDERSTANDS! (Plus he hates his dad because of aformentioned life ruining.) Xanxus is like a lot of things but none of them are particularly positive.

XANXUS WAS A PROBLEM CHILD

As far as is canonnically known, Xanxus was born in the slums in Italy and his mom is CRAZY. His dad is mysterious and we don't know who he is but he probably was lame anyway because he had sex wih Xanxus's mom and as I just said she was CRAZY. Anyway, so she has this kid and SOMEHOW he has this super strong magic flame that is the exact same as the magic flame the second Vongola boss had. (How she knows this I have no idea.) She decides that CLEARLY this must mean that he's the son of the ninth boss, and she names him Xanxus because therefore he will be the tenth boss. She offers him up to Timoteo, the ninth boss, who adopts him even though Xanxus is LOL not his son. But he doesn't tell Xanxus that. He just did it cause he felt bad and thought maybe he could be useful because his flame is very strong. This turned out, like most of Timoteo's ideas, to be a bad idea. (Timoteo is probably the worst Vongola boss, behind even the fourth boss whose weapon of choice was a FORK. In fact pretty much everything in KHR is basically Timoteo's fault.) Xanxus basically became a spoiled brat who hated everyone. He made Timoteo sad because he never smiled ever and Timoteo BAAAWED about it to Iemitsu in the anime even though it was probably his fault for being terrible at everything.
ANYWAY, Xanxus got pretty cocky because he thought he was going to be the tenth boss. Even though Timoteo had three older sons. The were probably as lame as their father though, and Xanxus probably realized this. he had no respect for anyone ever and would throw tantrums and just be generally awful. Then at some point he met Squalo, who decided immediately to follow Xanxus forever because he deeply admired his unfathomable rage at the world. In other words this is the first example of Xanxus's crazy person charisma. Squalo is basically Xanxus's greatest and most faithful ally and Xanxus still laughs when he (supposedly) dies because that is how awful Xanxus is. Xanxus is also the reason Squalo's hair is so fucking long, because Squalo pledged to Xanxus that he wouldn't cut it until he helped Xanxus become Vongola Decimo.

EVERYTHING XANXUS KNEW WAS A LIE

Then Timoteo's actual sons CONVENIENTLY ALL DIED. One of them might not have been Xanxus's doing but the other two probably were. As clearly he was already adept at murdering people since thats what the Varia does. So he's the only one left to be the tenth boss. (He's wrong but thats not the point.) In fact, most of the Vongola inner circle wants him to be the boss, at this point. So things are looking pretty good for him. BUT THEN SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENS! Xanxus manages to find some of Timoteo's documents recounting how he took Xanxus in even though he was not actually his son. Which means he doesn't actually have any Vongola blood and thus CANNOT be the tenth boss. So his mother gave him a stupid name for NOTHING, his "father" LIED TO HIM for years, and all his dreams of RULING THE MAFIA WORLD WITH AN IRON FIST are RUINED. He goes completely balistic and BURNS EVERYTHING but of course that doesn't change the fact that he knows the truth and is furious at Timoteo who he didn't even like in the first place for letting him think he was going to be boss. However almost no one knows that Xanxus isn't Timoteo's real son, so Xanxus realizes that if he murdered Timoteo and forcibly wrested control from him then he could still totally be the tenth boss. So, at the age of 16, Xanxus and his Varia sidekicks stage an attack to overthrow Timoteo and all his guys. It goes FAIRLY WELL considering they are all under the age of 18, and Xanxus and Squalo manage to reach Timoteo so Xanxus can FIGHT HIM and MURDER HIM. Timoteo is fairly apologetic, admitting that he probably should have told Xanxus sooner. YEAH, PROBABLY. But in the end Timoteo wins the fight even though he is old and kind of lame, and uses the super secret technique only the first Vongola boss could use, which is basically the anti-version of the magical mafia flame, called the Zero-point breakthrough, and with this he FREEZES XANXUS in magical mafia ice. Which doesnt kill him because it's magical. This later becomes known as "The Cradle Affair" for some reason, and the Vongola higher ups somehow mostly sweep the whole incident under the rug, and all is well. FOR NOW.

XANXUS WANTS SOME MAGICAL MAFIA RINGS

This is where the Vongola rings come in. BASICALLY, magical mafia flames come in 7 flavors based on different kinds of weather. Including Rain. You know, the thing that puts regular fires out. BUT THAT IS WHY THESE ARE NOT REGULAR FLAMES! ANYWAY, along with this, each Vongola boss has six guardians, one for each flame attribute, and the boss him/herself has a flame of the SKY attribute. The Vongola rings are rings worn by the current boss and their six guardians, and amplify the power of their flames. And you HAVE to have the rings or you CANT be the boss. So Xanxus needs them. HOWEVER, to make it difficult the rings are in two parts and you have to have both sets of half rings for them to work. the current boss (Timoteo) has half and his external advisor (Iemitsu) has the other halves. That way, they have to agree on the next boss candidate. Since Xanxus was frozen, Iemitsu's son Tsuna was to be the tenth boss. (Because the first boss retired to Japan, and Tsuna's family is descended from him.) So, about 8 years after Xanxus was frozen, Iemitsu sends Tsuna his set of rings. MEANWHILE, someone unfreezes Xanxus. Can you guess who it was? YUP, IT WAS TIMOTEO. Because he felt bad and wanted to give Xanxus another chance. This was another one of Timoteo's innumerable bad ideas. Xanxus is still focused on becoming the tenth boss, but apparently those 8 years, along with giving him ample time to stew in his rage, had made him smarter and he hatched a plan. Xanxus forcibly took Timoteo's set of rings. He sent Squalo off to retrieve the other set, which he does, but apparently it was a DECOY SET, proving Iemitsu is at least not as stupid as Timoteo is. Xanxus percieves them as fake, and decides this means he must take care of this matter first hand.

XANXUS HEADS TO JAPAN

Xanxus forges a letter from Timoteo saying he wanted Xanxus to suceed him, and the Varia set off for Japan. Iemitsu manages to show up at the last minute to keep Tsuna and company from being murdered. Xanxus presents the letter, which declares that the tenth boss will be decided in a battle for the rings. The respective guardians for each attribute will duel and whoever wins gets the ring. Whoever has the most rings in the end wins. So we have a bunch of JAPANESE TEENAGERS vs SEASONED MAFIA ASSASSINS. However since the Japanese teenagers are the main characters most of them win. Finally, in the last guardian fight, the Varia fighter is a giant robot called Gola Mosca. it is defeated, but then it goes berzerk, and Tsuna jumps in and destroys it. EXCEPT INSIDE THE ROBOT IS TIMOTEO! Because apparenly this kind of robot is powered by a living host, and Xanxus, in his infinite dickery, used Timoteo. BUT NO, THATS NOT ALL, by destroying the robot, Tsuna has KILLED Timoteo, making it so that Xanxus can kill him as "vengeance" for killing his father. And thus redeeming himself in the eyes of those who know about the Cradle Affair. It is a plan as genius as it is monstruous. However Timoteo ruins everything again by not being completely dead, and tells everyone that the letter is fake and he still wants Tsuna to suceed him. In light of the whole thing being a complete lie, the judges decide that the fight between Tsuna and Xanxus will be for all the marbles. The fight is LONG and DRAMATIC but Tsuna triumphs in the end because he's the main character. HOWEVER, the Varia members still capable of movement have seized the other rings and takes Tsun'a half of the Sky ring because he is too tired to move. SO NOW XANXUS HAS ALL THE RINGS! HE FEELS AWESOME! EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL!

Except the rings are like "LOL NOPE" and violently reject him because he's not actually of Vongola blood and he gacks up a bunch of blood and everything is terrible again. Squalo tells everyone THE TRUTH and Tsuna gets the rings.

XANXUS IS FUCKING OP

Despite the fact that he was defeated by a wussy Japanese teenager, Xanxus is overall PRETTY STRONG. He's basically fueled by his rage and as has been explained he has that in obscene amounts. It starts with that powerful flame of his. It's so powerful it even has it's own name. It is called the FLAME OF WRATH, because it was the flame the second Vongola boss used only when he was HORRIFICALLY ENRAGED. But this is Xanxus's flame ALL THE TIME because he is that angry ALL THE TIME! It can disintegrate reinforced concrete and magical rain elephants alike. But this wasn't enough for Xanxus. NO. He had to make it even more overpowered by borrowing a technique from ANOTHER past Vongola boss, the seventh. The seventh boss had a weak flame, and compensated for it by making a gun whose bullets would store flame energy, and thus amplify the power by several times. And Xanxus has two guns like this. He can also use these guns to fucking FLY, by aiming them downwards. Also later he gets his pokemon which can also fuck your shit up by ROARING SO MIGHTILY IT TURNS SHIT TO STONE.

CAITIE RAMBLES ABOUT SUBETA HAS

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